Commitment and integrity have been on the forefront of my
mind recently. This is mostly due to the fact I’m in the process of buying a
home and the idea of a 30-year financial commitment has caused me quite a bit
of anxiety. Not to mention, I’m now responsible for home maintenance and
repair, taxes, and insurance!
Two other things also occurred in quick
succession that fine-tuned my focus on these subjects. The first thing happened while I was at church doing
announcements with a fluffy green puppet that is my sidekick and comic relief.
We had a “Verse of the Day” which was Matthew 5:37 which states, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this
comes from evil”. This verse’s implication, for me, is that we should strive to be people
of integrity who do not need to swear on our lives, our mother’s grave, or ‘to
god’ so that people believe our statements. Rather, we should consistently follow
through with what we said we would do or would not do to the point where people
take us at our word. A few days later it was April 28th; a
mile-marker on my commitment to achieve 30 goals that I set for myself during
the 30th year of my life. I saw that I’m 2 months in and I didn’t
have a proportionate number of goals completed and that I had already failed at
a few. I got pretty down on myself for a few days. I felt like I was a failure,
that my “yes” and “no” carried no meaning, and convinced myself that it was
foolish to make commitments in the first place.
Luckily, I was reminded of the text we had
gone through that Sunday during the sermon. (2 Corinthians 1, specifically
verses 12-23). In this passage Paul talks about his change of plans to visit
Corinth. This is Paul, the Apostle, oppressor turned proponent. He was the guy
who would do anything and endure everything to continue traveling and telling
people about Jesus. He was beat up multiple times, shipwrecked, bitten by a
snake, lied about, imprisoned, put in danger, and went without food or water
for long periods of time. Despite all those hardships, he kept doing what he said he
was going to do: spreading the good news that Jesus of Nazareth was anointed to be
the Savior King.
So, seeing that even Paul had to change his
plans every once in a while allowed me to give myself grace. I realized that
saying “yes” to buying a home takes a lot of time and energy and delays my
response to other commitments. I was also able to catch a glimpse of how saying
“yes” to the house will enable and facilitate more of my goals (like 30 new
recipes and 30 acts of self-reliance). I learned that integrity doesn’t
vacillate as far or as fast as circumstances can, and just because I can’t say
“Yes” right now, it doesn’t mean that I’m saying “No”.
