I Don't Condemn You
I’m thrust before you, caught in the very act,
Surrounded by dark shadows and choking dust.
Afraid that you’ll see through the coverings I’ve made for myself from the leaves of office plants and dental floss,
Paired with a sharp wit and a charming smile.
I’m afraid you’ll sense the dark, stinging liquid coursing through my veins,
Smell the rancid smoke that fills my lungs,
And see the sick desires of my heart.
I’m expecting fire to fall from the sky and render your judgment upon me.
Instead you drop to your knees and use your finger to draw in the dirt,
Silently and intently.
You draw for a long time.
The silence persists as the dust settles and the shadows leave.
The last vapor of darkness disappears from before my eyes and your gaze shifts from the art at Your feet to my face.
Your lips begin to move and I cringe,
Expecting a clap of thunder, the crackle of a blaze, and the smell of charred flesh.
Instead I hear a caring, gentle whisper asking me,
“Where are those that condemn you?”
I look around, they’ve disappeared.
But, I’m convinced that they’ll be back,
Returning in the dead stillness of the night like they always do
Starting as a whisper that steadily crescendos into a deafening chorus that sounds like my own voice.
You see, my greatest accuser, Satan, is a sick ventriloquist.
He warps and throws his own lies to make them sound as though they are coming from the top of my own throat.
I’ve heard these shameful melodies so often that I know all the words
And all too often I’ve added my own baritone drawl to the choir.
Even now I begin to hum one of those all-too-familiar choruses
But You stop me.
“It’s only you and me here,” You whisper “and I don’t condemn you.”
Your words sound too good to be true
So I begin to sing and sing loudly, louder than when I’m alone in my car and a Taylor Swift song comes on the radio
I’m hoping to drown out your gentle words and erase them from my memory.
You simply repeat what You’ve said, “I DON’T CONDEMN YOU”
At Your words the shameful choir falls silent,
The sky opens up and glorious light pours through accompanied with angelic harmonies
I finally hear Your promise
And I believe it.
I look down, the dental floss and plastic leaves are gone.
They’ve been replaced by a brilliant white robe and a glorious crown.
You help me to my feet, put Your hands on my shoulders, look into my eyes and state,
“I don’t condemn you. Go, sin no more. Be free.”