Selah. It’s a Hebrew word that shows up 73 times in the
Psalms. It strikes me as odd most of the time when I come across it while
reading. What’s an untranslated Hebrew word doing in my English (or Spanish)
Bible? I did a little searching online, the simplest (and best) definition I
found is “A call to pause and reflect”.
I need to answer the call of Selah in my life. A week ago I
completed my first half marathon and one thing it made blatantly obvious is
that I struggle with both parts of Selah.
Pause
It has been a legitimate struggle for me over the past week
to pause and take a break from running (and serious exercise for that matter).
I simply don’t feel at ease while taking a break: for instance while I’m at
work I don’t take a lunch break, I simply eat my food while completing a task
or in between customers at the cash register. I don’t know when I learned to equate staying busy with
self-worth but it must have been early in my life because it runs deep.
Unfortunately, all it really does it leave me feeling tired and overwhelmed by
all the tasks I’ve tried to cram into one 24-hour period with the hope that I’ll
stay busy enough to feel valuable.
The biggest thing for me is realizing that there is a
difference between pausing and quitting. Pausing implies a temporary break with
the intention of continuing, while quitting is permanent. I’ve noticed that
when I’m watching a movie I will hit pause to go grab snacks or use the
bathroom if I’m engaged in the plot development, but if I have something
playing just to “fill the void” I’ll leave the room and miss good chunks of the
movie without much care. We pause when things are important. I want to continue
running and biking long distances, and in order to do that I need to pause and take
time to rest and recover.
Reflect
Mirrors allow us to see ourselves, take stock of how we
look, and make any modifications we deem necessary. I would say that I’m not
overly concerned with my physical appearance but I can’t imagine even going even
a day without seeing my reflection. I certainly don’t spend anywhere near the
same amount of time reflecting upon my thoughts and actions as I do looking at
my physical appearance in the mirror. This is probably why I don’t allow myself
to rest: I don’t take time to acknowledge my own accomplishments and give
myself credit where credit is due.
Over the past week I’ve struggled a lot with feeling shame
about not lifting weights at the gym, going for runs, or logging training miles
on my bike. I’ve needed to shout to myself “YOU JUST RAN 13.1 MILES! ALLOW
YOURSELF TO REST.” A half marathon is no small feat; I forget that. I also
forget that when I started running in October I would have been happy to be
running 5k’s by now. On top of all that I also forget that I finished more than
2 minutes under my goal of 2.5 hours, which was a pace that I thought would
push me beyond my limits even under the best circumstances.
I’ve always been terrible at rest and it has been to my
detriment as an athlete and a person. The simple solution is to incorporate
“Selah” into my life, set up markers within my routine that beckon me to take
pause, reflect on what I’ve accomplished, and give myself permission to rest
and recover in order to continue doing the things that are important to me.
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